ironically, this blog is coming just days after blogging about my release.
after being involved with kairos for somewhere close to 2 1/2 years and running sound for around a year and half of that, i got a call this weekend to inform me that the powers that be have decided that they are "going to go a different direction with the audio engineering." apparently all of kairos has been being evaluated, by whom i don't know, for the last couple of weeks. the word is that some aspects of the worship scored consistently very well, but that the sound was not one of them... hence their decision to can me.
after having a couple of days to think about it, here's what i'm feeling:
- i've never been canned for mixing poorly, and i'm taking it personally. especially since i checked with people every week to see how it sounded to them. i've never heard bad things, maybe because i asked my friends, but i asked the friends that don't hesitate to tell me when i suck.
- in addition, there was no hint at all to me that anyone was unhappy with the sound. i went from everyone was happy to fired without anything in between. also, the reason i mix the way i do there is because that's how the directors of kairos told me to mix, and because it's a worship service - not a rock show. any time the directors asked me how i thought it sounded, i told them i thought it sounded great, cause if i didn't - i would have done something different. and then i went on to ask them how they thought it sounded, adding "as long as you're happy, i'm happy." well now i'm not happy... i hope they are.
all this makes me hope that the real reason is not that they really thought that i was the problem. here's what i'm hoping the true reason for my release might be:
- they have someone else who they want to mix instead of me.
- i'm getting scape-goated. it's no secret to anyone who knows sound that the room and equipment i have to work with is not set up for big rock shows, or even full bands. it's set up for people to preach. instead of sinking the money to make the room into the venue that they want, they're blaming it on me.
- God is clearing time in my schedule for other things.
-- while i don't like any of these reasons either, it'd be great to know that they are the reason instead of me sucking at what i do to make a living.
i do want to be clear though... i still have nothing but love for kairos. if you live close to nashville, and have tuesday nights from 7 til 8:30ish free you should be at brentwood baptist for kairos. mike glenn is one of very few preachers that can hold my attention for 30 min and michael boggs consistently puts together an all-star band who check their egos at the door and give it all up for God.
after watching kairos grow from around 200 people a week to the 800 or 900 who show up regularly now, i am going to have a hard time moving on.
on another note....
this is my favorite album of the week. andy has reawakened and fueled my love of deep theological thought. listen to "give me grace"
give me grace for when i can't stop falling
give me strength to help me get back up
give me faith without proof
give me wisdom and truth
give me You
1 comment:
There are many lessons here. 1. People are people. Christian or non Christian, it is just the Christians are going to disappoint you greater because they are suppose to make better choices that would reflect Christ. 2. A great example of poor leadership. No feedback on a job that is not going well is just poor leadership it has nothing to do with the person doing it if he/she does not know something needs to be corrected. 3. God never wants us to get so so comfortable in one place we stop living to our fullest. I think you nailed it and He is forcing you out of your comfort zone to make way for better things. 4. No matter what your emotions He is still worthy of your praise. Not just on the mountain tops, but also in the valleys he is God and Jesus Christ is Lord of our lives. Take all of what you are going through and use it as a learning experience, look deep within yourself to see what you can do better and then grow grow grow.
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